after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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