He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
