just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
