how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
