her vagine was all disorganized.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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