are you still at the devil's house?
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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