i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
