wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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