I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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