I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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