There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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