Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
