Tell her she can't have a vagina
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize