Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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