just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
