You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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