she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
