I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
