You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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