It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize