fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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