YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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