did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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