after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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