i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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