If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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