If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
