She announced her abortion via fbk
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
