i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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