rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
