You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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