Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Farmville is her only friend.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
