Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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