I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
