All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
