alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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