She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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