My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
