You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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