Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
