he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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