did you get engaged???
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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