I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
