I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
