Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize