He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
