um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
