I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Drunk is not a location!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
