my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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