You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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