Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
