capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize