Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
being pregnant is like rehab
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
