Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
