babies were throwing up all over the place
Actions speak louder than pants.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize