dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
