I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
