He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
