I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
