You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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