Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
