bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize