wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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