The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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