i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
