And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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