Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
