$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
